i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
