Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
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gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
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Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
God, I missed his penis.
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