Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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