i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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