and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
