Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
