just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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