your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
