and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
