I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
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Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
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I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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