i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize