I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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