threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
