she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
