Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
