When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
