They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Found your dick twin last night
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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