I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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