I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
