Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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