Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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