America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize