i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
