I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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