Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
