I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
