my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Randomize
