i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Is it because I queefed?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
