I just threw up on my dentist
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
