Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
