I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just found puke in my bra..
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
