You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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