I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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