if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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