white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Randomize
