First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
