mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
