There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
