I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
