i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
