You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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