none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
