they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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