I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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