I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
