You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
