oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
