He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
