peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Rumble strips road head = magical
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...