Is it normal to miss your booty call?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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