I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
