Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
