Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
