the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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