Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just cropdusted the office
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
