yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize