dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
