sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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