I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
