I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
