I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
