I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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