So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
