You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
