fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
