I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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