Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
