that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
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